Yesterday, I was in a terrible mood, Joseph and I were driving quickly to get somewhere, and we were focused on what we needed to get done. Almost oblivious to the world around us. I was completely lost in my thoughts. We came around a corner of a long, winding, back-country road and almost ran into a family of geese. There was a mother, father, and about 7 or 8 little babies. Joe eased around them and parked in the neighborhood on the right. When I got out, as soon as I turned around, another car was doing just the same as I had just done. Skidding on breaks to miss these cute little creatures. However this driver honked her horn impatiently until the geese moved. After a whole slew of cars whizzed by, we walked over to the little family and realized they were trying to get across the road to the small lake a little ways in the distance. Trying to get to the other side. To be where they truly longed to be. Where they know they're supposed to be. This took me into deep thought about my life and how honestly, I'm just trying to get to the other side too.
I got behind the geese and proceed to "shoo" them to where they were trying to go. The parents ran quickly away from me, leaving the babies behind, who were moving much slower. I do have to make a slight confession. I couldn't help myself. I reached down and picked one up and gently held it in my hands. I felt its little webbed feet and the softness of its newborn fur. My heart melted. That bad mood that I was hanging onto and letting linger throughout my body, instantly vanished. I can't even explain why, I just know that that's got to be one of those "little things" from the life-long saying. I snapped back into reality and realized that the mother and father were becoming a little weary that I was holding one of their babies. Not wanting to be full on attacked by these huge, hissing geese in front of me, I sat the baby back down on the grass and "shooed" all of them closer to their parents and closer to that beautiful, little lake where they longed to be. When I reached my car, I noticed how beautiful it was outside for the first time that day. I noticed that the sun was out and that it was shining through the lush, green trees. I realized that it was coming to be one of my favorite times of year, Spring.
I have to say, with this little revelation that I had, I made the decision to have a good day no matter what. On the rest of my car ride, I began to compare myself to the family of geese. Their mission was to get to the other side of that road. To be able to rest easy where they belong. Although there was danger and many obstacles in their way, they kept trying. Of course I helped them to complete their mission; but that reminds me of the family and friends I've had help me on my "mission". I'm only trying to make it to the other side of the road. To cross over from childhood into adulthood. To live life the way I'm supposed to. To be happy with my surroundings and accomplishments. To belong. What a thought :)
Funny how something so small as helping a family of geese cross the road can make you evaluate your life. Helping them made me happy. I love animals. Anyone who knows anything about me definitely knows that. But I don't think that's the only reason this good deed made me happy. It helped me realize what I'm trying to do. It's been difficult and it will continue to be difficult but I have to do it to be happy and to survive. I have to figure a lot of things out and put them into action to become an adult. A true adult. Once people reach a certain age, they label themselves as adults. I'm well past the age that I should be to be classified as an adult, yet I don't consider myself one. Adults have stable jobs and savings accounts and decent credit and support themselves. When I have all of that, I will have finally reached the other side of that road.
My status so far? I'm currently searching night and day for that stable job that I need in order to get started on my road to adulthood. I have a very nice computer now, given to us by Joe's parents, my wonderful inlaws :) I've been sending out my resume and filling out applications until my fingers ache. I'm getting started on the diet and exercise and it's coming along nicely. My to do list is dwindling down and that makes me feel some-what accomplished. Although I'm positive there will be another lengthy list made when that one is complete :) Life is already feeling better and for that I am thankful. I am in a financial bind but I know all of this time and effort I'm putting into the job search is going to pay off soon. So I refuse to worry. I refuse to spiral down that deep hole of depression I have somehow managed to fight my way out of this week.
It seems I am constantly job hunting to my family, I'm sure. And that's probably because I always am. I can imagine their frustration with me. The frustration I have for myself has built up and exploded. I'm sure that's a good thing because it caused me to start this blog and try to turn things around. But for my family, they probably still believe I'll fail again. And that's OK. They are unaware of how fed up I am with myself. They just know how fed up they are with me. I can't say I blame them. I'm determined to make them all proud of me. I will get a decent job, I will start a decent savings account, I will make it on my own. I'm a work in progress. A diamond in the rough. Just give me time to shine and I will :)
No comments:
Post a Comment