HACKED BY JOE

TIFFANY SUE,

BABYGIRL I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH YOUR PROBABLY GOING TO BE MAD WHEN I TOLD YOU I WAS ONLY WRITING A COMMENT BUT INSTEAD DECIDED TO MAKE A WHOLE NEW BLOG ABOUT HOW AMAZING YOU ARE!

1. YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD. SOMETIMES WHEN I LOOK AT YOU I HAVE TO TRULY STOP IN MY TRACKS TO TAKE IN THE FACT THAT I COULD EVER BE IN LOVE WITH SUCH A BEAUTIFUL GIRL AND HER FEEL THE SAME WAY!

2. YOUR PERSONALITY IS ALSO BEAUTIFUL, I LOVE THE WAY YOUR SOMEWHAT CAREFREE YET COMPLETELY DOWN TO EARTH.

3. YOU MAKE ME LAUGH MORE THAN ANYONE I HAVE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

SO JUST WANTED TO STOP BY AND TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL!

YOURS TRULY,

JOSEPH M. BOCCHINO

Old friends and life ambitions....

I feel like reflecting. I do that a lot. I have an intricate mind full of memories, useless facts and a lot of emotions. Those emotions, involuntarily, are worn on my sleeve. I can't hide the way I'm feeling. This weekend I've been on a roller coaster. Everyday I'm on a roller coaster actually. I let my emotions run my life. I'm not complaining. I wouldn't have it any other way. When I feel a certain way, I feel it to the max. Some call it a curse. Not me! That is one thing I can say I admire about myself. Though sometimes those emotions are bad, they are always raw displaying the real Tiffany Hicks.

My nearest, dearest friend came to visit me this weekend. She moved away to better her life and I don't blame her. If I could do the same thing, I surely would. She is a successful CNA at a well known hospital with her future lined up. Her schooling to become a nurse and to further her career is fully paid for. She has done so well for herself. I would love to have the motivation to do that for myself. Since I've seen someone who used to be in the same shoes as I am now do it, I've been thinking, hoping, that I can succeed at something like that as well. I have always been interested in the medical field. It's a secure career path with plenty of benefits, and room to grow, accomplish and make more money.

While I love Addie and am so very happy for her from the deepest part of my heart, I must say, being around her makes me feel less of myself. She has the perfect body, she's beautiful, she has an amazing heart and she's very successful. Loved and admired by all. I would kill to be like that. Let me let you into my mind for just a minute. You know how most girls have their "fat days"? The days when you feel fat and nothing can make you feel better? You try on 50 different outfits and nothing seems to make you feel good about yourself. And everyone else has just got to see you the way you see yourself in that mirror that day. Every girl knows about those days. Something similar to that situation for me is that when I get to thinking about how much I've failed in life and how hard it is to pick myself back up, I feel like everyone else feels the same about me. Some days I hate myself. I'm trying my hardest to love myself everyday but that's going to take time. When I hate myself, in my eyes, everyone else does too. That's how I've been feeling the past few days. It's petty of me to feel that way because of my jealousy towards someone I love so much. I admire her for getting her life in order the way she has. My jealousy has overcome me though. Do not get me wrong and think that I'm mad or angry that she's doing great for herself. That is selfish and unintelligent. I'm just upset with myself that I haven't done the same great things that she's done.

Regardless, I'm trying to snap out of my funk. Addie, Joe and I took my little brother Bubba bowling tonight. I used to work there and a few of my old friends were working. I got to be graced with their presence :) There's one in particular who I've known pretty much all my life but I had just really gotten to know her and her beautiful little family last summer. She is also an inspiration to me. Although I'd never have the courage to tell her to her face, I admire her life as well. She has the cutest little home, an even cuter little girl, and a good man to build her life with. On top of that she's surrounded by friends and family who adore her and look up to her. She holds down two jobs, takes care of her beautiful little girl and enjoys life. She is also getting married in a year or so. She has her ducks in a row. I long to be that way. To have security and stability like I mentioned in my last post. I know that everyone has stresses and worries, I'm not naive. But unlike Shelby and Addie, I don't have a stable life and job to fall back on. Yet. That's the key word, right? Anyways, this one goes out to those two girls who are on my mind tonight. Congratulations ladies! I strive to be like you two someday in the near future. And all of my other friends and family who inspire me to be better. I love you both with every little piece of my heart.

There's your little piece of Tiffany's heart and mind for tonight. I have the funds to fix my legal issue this week. I am getting my phone back. That will be a big step to feeling like myself again. I know that's sad but I'm addicted to my phone. That's how I keep in touch with my beloved friends and being without it so long has made me feel out of touch with them. I hate that. I'm off to dream of my better life. My major goals have a time limit of 3 months. Wish me luck on my deadlines. I need all I can get. Though those couple of setbacks have put a damper in my plans, I will not give up. I will keep pushing and be the woman I know I can be.

Stability, family and hope after all...

If my life hasn't been crazy enough, dare I say, it has only gotten crazier in the last two weeks. I have so many things to write about that my mind could quite possibly explode. I found a little quiet time so here goes....

I prayed and hunted and asked around and finally found a job! I probably would have taken any minimum wage paying job but I was very fortunate and got on at Food Lion working for my old manager and getting paid more than I thought was possible for working at a grocery store. The only potential problem is that it's 30 minutes from my grandma's house. I'm still in training so I'm not getting many hours due to lack of hours available. It's a struggle for right now. Hopefully those 40 hours I keep dreaming of will start flowing in eventually. Once Joe and I start working full time, it will only take two months to get caught up on our debts. We have a master plan that I have thought out a least a couple hundred times and written down a couple hundred more. I make lists like a maniac. If I didn't my head would explode. I have a never ending to do list, to buy list, to pay list, etc. It helps me gather my thoughts and plan out my future. "Hi my name is Tiffany and I'm addicted to making lists." :)

My next problem. I had a traffic ticket that I thought would be easily taken care of. It turns out that wasn't the case. It became complicated and aggravating. I stressed about it for weeks but I've found a solution. I've gotten some legal advice and I found out I can get out of it for a small price and a little less headache than what it could have been before. That takes a huge, impending weight off of my shoulders and as soon as I take care of it, I know I'll be able to focus on my original journey of becoming an adult. A minor setback, but it's nothing I can't handle with a little faith and praying. :)

Another important part of my life, was at first, the worst possible thing at the worst possible time; but now I see it as a great blessing God has sent upon me. As many people know, my grandmother has always been my "security blanket". Something I have had since I was born that I cannot let go of. She has always been there for me through thick and thin. Although she will lecture me and give me a "tongue lashing" everyday if she feels she needs to, she has never let me go without. On the very same day that I got the news of that pesky traffic ticket that loomed around the corner to ruin my life, my grandmother told me she hadn't been feeling great lately and would like to move to Salisbury, NC to live with her sons. She wanted to spend a little time with them because she "didn't know how much time she had left in this world". On top of that scaring the life out of me thinking of my grandmother not being around anymore, it also left me homeless. She wants to move within a month! That leaves me 3o days to get a home of my own, hold down a steady job and be able to afford the moving process, furniture, food, etc. This definitely threw a dangerous curve ball in my master plan. That day, I started to grow an unnecessary hatred for my grandmother. I hated her for wanting to leave me, for wanting to spend what she thought was her last bit of life, 4 hours away from me, for leaving me with no home and no hope and nothing to fall back on. In reality, after I got over that terrible day and all of its mishaps, I realized, this is what I've needed to hear for years now. I have leaned on my parents and grandma for far too long. I do hope she changes her mind and sticks around the area for as long as possible, but I will be moving out as soon as I can and getting my life together a little more quickly than I thought I would be. I secretly needed this motivation. I think God knew that. Funny how He disguises those blessings; they almost had to put me away that day. If I wouldn't have hit my knees and prayed when I did, I may be wearing a straight jacket in a padded room as we speak. He always saves me in the knick of time :)

So where does this leave me? It leaves me handling my responsibilities in a way that I never thought was possible. It's so difficult to grow up, but to have to do it so quickly, that's even more difficult. But do-able. I'm am walking, talking proof of that. I have asked to pick up more hours at work, I have written out all of my bills and exactly how much I will need to take care of them and how long it will take. And I have written out how much I'm going to be able to afford for rent and all other essentials. And let me tell you something! It's completely do-able! I have started the search for a rent to own home. I have dogs and I'm fed up with apartments. I need a cute home, it doesn't have to be huge, with a fenced in back yard and a porch. That's all I'm asking for right now. I'm a simple southern girl, what do you expect? :)

All of this may sound crazy to you, but it's my life. To me, it's a beautiful life. Despite all of the heartache and downfalls that may come along, I always find my way. Or rather, the Lord always shows me the way. I'd really like to find a church that works for me. Something contemporary with modern music and a message for young people. If God has the time to constantly help me the way He does, surely I can at least dedicate one hour of one day to Him.

On a lighter, more WONDERFUL note... my dad, stepmom and little brothers are back in my life. We all had a falling out and my life felt void of love and lifeless all together. I need those kids and the love from my parents to be happy. I have four little brothers: Bubba, 12 - Cameron, 9 - Travis, 5 - and Logan, 3. Kids are so innocent and simple - its a nice refresher to pretend you're young again and to get lost in the small problems that a child has. Much better than dealing with adult problems. Yuck. My little brothers have a way of making me feel like i'm soaring. Hugs, kisses, giggles, snacks, movies, bowling... anything I do that involves them makes me feel whole again. My biological clock is ticking to have one of my own but don't worry! I am well aware of the fact that I am in no way, shape or form ready for a baby of my own. I have always been the motherly type, but I like the fact that I can send them back when I need a break! I understand fully that being a mother, I will have no breaks. That is something that I will gladly take on when I'm ready. I could get used to hearing those little precious lips saying "mommy" :) In a few (or more) years I know I'll make a wonderful mother. Just like my mom was for me.

This post is all over the place, from heartache to a heart full of love. Things always have a way of working themselves out. I am dreaming of stability for myself. My own house, my bills caught up, my life in order. Less stress. How lovely does that sound? It seems a little unattainable right now but I know I'll get there. I enjoy my job very much and that's one thing I hardly ever can say about myself. Of course I need to go back to school to ever have a nice life- and I will do just that. I've been looking into journalism ;) We'll discuss that a little more when I actually know what I'd like to do! I have my family back, which makes me happier than any material thing in the whole entire world. I always have said, the love of a family is a love that goes untouched.

So there is hope after all... I have mentioned this movie in previous posts - Hope Floats. The last line of the entire film Sandra Bullock says, "You just gotta give hope a chance to float on up. And it will too." (I'm a huge fan of when the movie title is actually referenced to in the movie!) So if you give hope the chance, it will float up. That's what I've done and what I will continue to do! Don't give up Tiffany, keep pushing! :)

To get to the other side....

You've heard the saying, "It's the little things in life that count." right? In this chaotic world, sometimes it's such a refresher to stop and admire the small things that make the world go around. In today's society, I don't think enough people pause to "smell the roses". Everyone, including myself, is so wrapped up in daily struggles and stresses that it's hard sometimes to take a break and really appreciate the little things.

Yesterday, I was in a terrible mood, Joseph and I were driving quickly to get somewhere, and we were focused on what we needed to get done. Almost oblivious to the world around us. I was completely lost in my thoughts. We came around a corner of a long, winding, back-country road and almost ran into a family of geese. There was a mother, father, and about 7 or 8 little babies. Joe eased around them and parked in the neighborhood on the right. When I got out, as soon as I turned around, another car was doing just the same as I had just done. Skidding on breaks to miss these cute little creatures. However this driver honked her horn impatiently until the geese moved. After a whole slew of cars whizzed by, we walked over to the little family and realized they were trying to get across the road to the small lake a little ways in the distance. Trying to get to the other side. To be where they truly longed to be. Where they know they're supposed to be. This took me into deep thought about my life and how honestly, I'm just trying to get to the other side too.

I got behind the geese and proceed to "shoo" them to where they were trying to go. The parents ran quickly away from me, leaving the babies behind, who were moving much slower. I do have to make a slight confession. I couldn't help myself. I reached down and picked one up and gently held it in my hands. I felt its little webbed feet and the softness of its newborn fur. My heart melted. That bad mood that I was hanging onto and letting linger throughout my body, instantly vanished. I can't even explain why, I just know that that's got to be one of those "little things" from the life-long saying. I snapped back into reality and realized that the mother and father were becoming a little weary that I was holding one of their babies. Not wanting to be full on attacked by these huge, hissing geese in front of me, I sat the baby back down on the grass and "shooed" all of them closer to their parents and closer to that beautiful, little lake where they longed to be. When I reached my car, I noticed how beautiful it was outside for the first time that day. I noticed that the sun was out and that it was shining through the lush, green trees. I realized that it was coming to be one of my favorite times of year, Spring.

I have to say, with this little revelation that I had, I made the decision to have a good day no matter what. On the rest of my car ride, I began to compare myself to the family of geese. Their mission was to get to the other side of that road. To be able to rest easy where they belong. Although there was danger and many obstacles in their way, they kept trying. Of course I helped them to complete their mission; but that reminds me of the family and friends I've had help me on my "mission". I'm only trying to make it to the other side of the road. To cross over from childhood into adulthood. To live life the way I'm supposed to. To be happy with my surroundings and accomplishments. To belong. What a thought :)

Funny how something so small as helping a family of geese cross the road can make you evaluate your life. Helping them made me happy. I love animals. Anyone who knows anything about me definitely knows that. But I don't think that's the only reason this good deed made me happy. It helped me realize what I'm trying to do. It's been difficult and it will continue to be difficult but I have to do it to be happy and to survive. I have to figure a lot of things out and put them into action to become an adult. A true adult. Once people reach a certain age, they label themselves as adults. I'm well past the age that I should be to be classified as an adult, yet I don't consider myself one. Adults have stable jobs and savings accounts and decent credit and support themselves. When I have all of that, I will have finally reached the other side of that road.

My status so far? I'm currently searching night and day for that stable job that I need in order to get started on my road to adulthood. I have a very nice computer now, given to us by Joe's parents, my wonderful inlaws :) I've been sending out my resume and filling out applications until my fingers ache. I'm getting started on the diet and exercise and it's coming along nicely. My to do list is dwindling down and that makes me feel some-what accomplished. Although I'm positive there will be another lengthy list made when that one is complete :) Life is already feeling better and for that I am thankful. I am in a financial bind but I know all of this time and effort I'm putting into the job search is going to pay off soon. So I refuse to worry. I refuse to spiral down that deep hole of depression I have somehow managed to fight my way out of this week.

It seems I am constantly job hunting to my family, I'm sure. And that's probably because I always am. I can imagine their frustration with me. The frustration I have for myself has built up and exploded. I'm sure that's a good thing because it caused me to start this blog and try to turn things around. But for my family, they probably still believe I'll fail again. And that's OK. They are unaware of how fed up I am with myself. They just know how fed up they are with me. I can't say I blame them. I'm determined to make them all proud of me. I will get a decent job, I will start a decent savings account, I will make it on my own. I'm a work in progress. A diamond in the rough. Just give me time to shine and I will :)

Those two dreaded words: Diet and Exercise...

If you ask me what's been on my mind lately, the truth is I could write you a book. But one of the predominate notions I've had recently is losing weight. What female over 16 doesn't constantly obsess over her weight? What really gets me thinking about this is coming across old pictures. My mother gave my grandmother our old desktop computer from my high school era. This thing is filled to the brim with pictures of "the good ole days". In my opinion, in high school, I looked my best. My senior year I became engaged in a 4 year, toxic relationship. I know you've probably heard all women tell a story about how they came to gain so much weight. A lot of them will tell you that its because of a relationship. I can really relate to that.

Most relationships consist of dinners and movies and simply being "lazy" with each other. So that athletic high school body I had, ceased to exist about 6 months into that toxic relationship I somehow got wrapped up in. When that relationship finally came to a screeching halt, I decided to do something about that weight I had gained. Last summer I dropped around 50 pounds. Granted, I probably did it in a very "unhealthy" way according to others. I chugged water constantly and kept myself from passing out with saltines and an occasional slice of deli meat for protein. I remember the exact instance that I had hit my breaking point. I worked in a retail store full of mirrors and was forced to see my image a million times a day. It disgusted me. I got off work one evening in a fit of rage. Tears, throwing things, screaming and of course on the phone with my momma. Just having a mental breakdown. I had been pushed over the edge. I was so unhappy with myself and I got that motivation to do something about it, so I did it.

That's one of my problems. I typically don't get the motivation to do things and actually keep going until I reach my breaking point. I don't know about you but I do not want to go through my life being forced to have mental breakdowns until I finally get the message: "Hey, you need to seriously do something about this!". Losing weight is constantly on my mind no matter how I look, but lately I'm just sick of myself. I'm sick of everything about me, especially my image. So before I reach my breaking point, I figured I should probably kick it into gear. A foreign concept to me. Doing something about it before I am pretty much forced to.

I am in another relationship now. This one, however, is not toxic. It's quite the opposite. It's wonderful, most days :) The only factor that it shares with my last serious relationship is dum dum dum: the weight gain. Of course. I went from eating one square meal a week and surviving on crackers to eating 2 or 3 meals a day! You can imagine the severe weight gain that comes along with that drastic of a transition. I am afraid to step on a scale, so I haven't. If I had to guess I would say I've gained two thirds of the weight back that I shed mere months ago. That's depressing. And my boyfriend Joseph, God love him, loves to eat fast food. I do too, don't get me wrong. But my hips, thighs, and tummy do not love when I do. Joseph could eat fifteen cheeseburgers and not gain an ounce of weight. I could look at one and gain ten pounds. I hate that difference between the female and male body, by the way. How unfair.

I've been researching ways to get motivated. Ridiculous. What I should have realized before I even started thinking about looking this up is that my motivation should be how unhappy I am with my body. My momma always told me, "You only get one body, so be nice to it." I have not been nice to my body. I am out of shape, I am a smoker, I eat terribly and I don't consume nearly as much water as I should. Yes I smoke. I know its awful. I also know that I'm very addicted and that as much as I'd like to quit, it's so difficult. Non-smokers do not understand how a cigarette can calm you when you need it. That's one of the very, very few pros of smoking, yes, but its the addictive one. I could go on for days about the cons of smoking. But not today. I'm focusing on the weight loss thing. Maybe my next challenge will be to quit filling my body with poison.

See? I know how bad it is to smoke and I would have my motivation just by thinking about how terrible it is for me. But I don't put it into action. One step at a time I suppose. Today, weight loss. Next month, quitting smoking. I am putting all of my effort and focus into losing weight, because Lord knows if I don't, I'll give up again. Just like with everything else. Like I said, this is going to be tough to "re-invent" myself completely. But I'm willing to try. Something has to give. I know I'm capable of being happier with myself and my life. So I'm hell bent on trying. I have no other choice. Because I won't be unhappy. That's never been me. Coming into adulthood has made me unhappy. But only because I haven't gone about it the right way. I've done everything all wrong. So at the ripe old age of twenty one, here I go. Trying to mend the burnt bridges.

Adulthood is supposed to be tough, yes. But it's also supposed to be rewarding. Accomplished. In one of my favorite movies of all time "Hope Floats", Sandra Bullock's character wraps the movie up with a monologue. A piece that really sticks out to me is when she says, "Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. - Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts." As you can tell, I'm a sucker for meaningful and inspirational movies. I guess I've reached the beginning of "the middle" of my life. The part that really counts. So I need to get started. A little late, none the less. But better late than never. The problem is, I have no patience. So I need to learn that this won't happen over night. I have to work towards it. And that's what I plan to do.

One last thing. I promised myself that I would talk about one positive attribute per post that I adore about myself as a booster. The one I've been thinking about since my last post is my intelligence. I am thankful that God has given me the ability to learn quickly. If only I could put everything I learn into action immediately ;) I have a lot of life experiences that makes me "wise" for my age. And when I really apply myself in school, I am above average. I haven't applied myself since tenth grade. I am ashamed of that. I think I have a beautiful mind that I am wasting. So that's my positivity for the day.

I'm a woman on a mission. My first step to achieving my personal happiness is feeling comfortable in my body again. I'm going to attempt to do it healthier this time, but I'm determined to lose this weight again. And hopefully more. I won't be looking up "how to get motivated" articles anymore. However, I'm going to look up exercise and healthy eating plans and recipes to get started on what I know I need to do. After writing this, diet and exercise don't seem that scary to me anymore. I know I can do it because I've done it before. Diet and exercise just seems attainable now. So... high school bodied Tiffany, ready or not, here I come! :)

The broken path...

If there's one thing I know about, it's failure. I have no excuses. I am detrimental to myself. I need someone to protect me from me. I make the worst decisions. Life altering decisions. And not the good kind that make you feel accomplished and satisfied afterwards. The terrible kind that leave you empty and dull, with your head in your hands wondering "When will I grow up?". My life is a disaster area. They should put hazard cones up all around me as a warning sign to stay away. I have all the potential in the world to lead an amazingly fulfilling life. And I've been on the path to do so before. No one has to lecture me on that. I lecture myself every single day. I am my own worst critic. But I know what I'm capable of. So why is it that I can't commit to doing exactly what I know it takes to lead this fulfilling life of which I dream? I haven't yet found this out. When I do, it will be my biggest revelation.

Despite all my downfalls, failures, bad decisions made, I am a generally optimistic person. I stay happy, at least on the outside. I can't let others see how much I'm struggling with myself inside. That makes me vulnerable. I don't trust the human kind enough to let everyone know my deep, inner suffering. Do not get me wrong. I am by no means a depressed, hopeless person. So don't let all of this skew your vision of me. I am laying all of the "bad stuff" out on the table for everyone to see first; because I plan to go up from here. The "good stuff" will come later when I start finding myself. It's sad when you're twenty one years old and you still don't know yourself. I mean really know yourself. There are questions I have that are left unanswered by me. Pathetic right? I know. I'm on a mission to fix all of this. To answer those questions. To find my "word". The one word I could sum myself up in. I got that from the movie "Eat Pray Love". Julia Roberts' character is dining in Italy with all of her newfound friends and they're all telling each other the one word they could use that really pin points them down to a "T". When it comes to be her turn, she's dumbfounded. She's still looking for her word. And I am definitely still looking for mine.

Since this is my first post, I started to try and describe myself in in-depth details. There are a few things I do know about myself that I could share. I gave a little piece of my knowledge in my "about me" on my profile. Instead of putting that all in my first post, I've decided to pick one thing at a time that I adore about myself and go into details about it. Kind of like a "pick-me-up" either daily or weekly (however frequently I will be able to blog). That may sound vain to you but in my opinion it's helping me. I need to truly learn to love myself. And I figured what better way than to find qualities in myself that I enjoy? Hopefully this helps.

I've started to make some challenges for myself. Day one was to drink only water, to walk my puppies every single day and to wake up early even when I don't have to. I want to be in shape and feel good. When I sleep all day I feel like I'm wasting my life away. So I want to start taking advantage of every day that God has given to me. Day two was to take more pictures, be kinder than usual to others and to stop cursing so much. With my laptop being broken I have really realized how many memories in photographs I have in that computer. And it makes me miss having those pictures to look at, to remember the great times in my life, to pick me up on a gloomy day. Plus I love photography. Snapping pictures is one of the best feelings to me. Being kinder than usual to others. That's a no brainer. I am a firm believer in karma. I also know that most people are dealing with something stressful in their life. I know on those days when I was at my lowest I really appreciated random acts of kindness. It was like sunshine through the rain. I want to do that for others. Lastly, I need to get rid of my "potty mouth" for obvious reasons. I don't think a few mild curse words here and there are terrible when you really just have that urge to say one. But to curse like a sailor when you're supposed to be a lady is just not a good look. So I'm going to do my best to crush that nasty habit. I have been researching 30 day "better life" challenges. I hope to find one soon that suits me and will benefit me most on my journey to find myself. For now I'll keep making up my own. That may be my best option anyways.

There are a number of reasons why I decided to start this blog.

1) To find my "word"

2) To have an outlet for my thoughts (I'm better at writing than talking)

3) To let people, who are interested, into my mind and heart in order to feel less misunderstood.

4) To pick my brain in order to fall in love with myself and my life again.

Throughout this blog "journey" I plan to figure my life out. It won't be an easy task. It won't be a quick task. But I will tell you that I'm looking forward to every minute of it. I do have many regrets. There are a few I wish so badly that I could change. But I know if I did, I wouldn't have the strong head on my shoulder that I do now. I wouldn't have the lessons and experiences that I need to better myself. I feel lost majority of the time. I want to feel reattached. Another movie reference from "The Holiday". Kate Winslet's character is broken hearted and feels like her life is pathetic. She meets a little old man who saves her from herself, in a sense. He was a big time movie director or producer in his prime. In one scene, while they're having dinner, he tells her that there are two types of female roles in a movie: the leading lady and the best friend. He tells her she is the leading lady type. And she realizes that it's her life and that she should be the leading lady of her own life. Well I want to be the leading lady of my own life too. I want to make good decisions that will affect me positively for once. I want to be healthy and happy and worry less. I will have my lovely, fulfilling life of which I dream. I deserve that much; to live a life really worth living.

I'm off to start my day. I'm going to find the perfect 30 day life challenge for me. I'm going to find a job I can love myself for and stick with it. I get bored and frustrated with jobs easily. I need to stop that. Time to grow up, Tiffany. I'm going to check a few things off of my never ending to-do list. That will surely make me feel better. I'm going to really focus on accomplishing things today. Wish me luck (: